scared

it has been months since I have been this scared
seeing my baby out of control
where does this come from
why does it happen
what causes this

things have been so good lately
but
things have also been harder
made her think
made her realize
that she is growing up
she hates that
she does not want to
she is looking at colleges
but we are not forcing her out

i think maybe we shouldn't talk about it anymore
she was out of control tonight
and i got scared
she got scared
we both cried
i got angry
she got angry
she called me names
she hasn't done that in so long

but
she didn't get physical
but
why
why
why
did it happen again

she doesn't deserve this
I know I don't deserve this

maybe that is why
we were feeling so good about everything
that we forgot this feeling
I don't like it
I know she doesn't like it
her fears creep back up when it happens
the family doesn't like it
they go into hiding

we can't live like that every again
no
we won't
it scares us all