Saturday, February 4, 2012

Turning Points

there are so many
turning points in life
we don't notice them
they happened

it seems like a good number right now
3 times
i can take that
if it stays that way

right now
i can think of
wonderful turning points
my oldest
my middlest
my youngest
when they were born
3 big turning points
i knew
that they were going to be big
i really had no idea
how much my world would change
with each and every one

3 big turning points
and not the good ones
3 bad times
that my husband and i have shared
that our family has shared
when my husband's best friend
the husband of my best friend
took his life
our life shattered
we were in a daze
for weeks
it still feels like yesterday
when we dropped off
our oldest at the residential treatment center
for her depression and anxiety
and not knowing what would happen
to her
to us
to our family
between sobs
all day naps
phone calls
weekend visits
things did get better
but the scars
are still there
and we
remember often
of the despair
during that time
when we lost our 17 year old friend
no words
only tears
only fears
only questions
my husband
my oldest
my middlest
my youngest
all of us
our lives are permanently altered
never to be the same
how can they?

a child is gone
a life not lived
a hole in our lives
and our friends' lives
we can be compassionate
we can be there for them
it will never be the same

i ran into another friend
who lost her daughter
2 1/2 years ago
she said
it doesn't get better

that turning point
when you don't see it happen
or notice it barely
do not
have any idea
how life will be
in the future

twists and turns
our lives do take
many twists
and turns

when the turn is so drastic
and can't be changed
you will permanently be

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


so cool
so very cool
still can't believe I went

My parents have a place in Deer Valley
a little place in Park City Utah
so my mom has been attending
the Sundance Film Festival
for about 5 years now

she raves about it
so this year
she offered a trip
to me
and my oldest
for our birthday presents

last year
my brother
and his wife
went for theirs
it wasn't like we had thought of it before
we just didn't know we could ask
my brother is the smarter one
he knew to ask first
what's new
i have been quieter when
it comes to asking for things

we both were so excited
the whole process starts in the fall
getting on a "list"
getting an access code
then a special time to buy ticket packages
or passes
my mom always has the first class package
she always does everything
first class
that's her
but Karen and I got a ticket package
20 tickets for 3 days.
Our goal
10 movies
together for 3 days.

All of this happened before December.
Then in January
we received the list of movie titles
and stars
and the schedule
the hard part was
picking out all the movies
that we wanted to see
but within our special days
within the schedule of what was playing when
and only in Park City
because other cities
have movies too.

We picked 10 movies
we were able to get 9 out of the 10 we wanted
then added an extra
which ended up starring Parker Posey-
-so how could we go wrong-
we actually got to see 2 extra shorts too
because they were paired with our movies
12 total (one "short" was 45 minutes long)

Out of the 12 we saw
we are big fans of 9
pretty good odds

one film was slow
one film I liked
but she didn't
one film we liked
but then heard from an insider
some issues with it

some made me laugh
some made me cry
some made me angry
in a good way

the experience was so powerful
i have already decided to go back next year
my middlest
and one nephew who is interested in film
will be high school seniors next year
what great gifts to give them

and I haven't even discussed the stars we saw
maybe later