Saturday, February 4, 2012

Turning Points

there are so many
turning points in life
that
often
we don't notice them
until
they happened

3
it seems like a good number right now
3 times
i can take that
if it stays that way

right now
i can think of
3
wonderful turning points
1
my oldest
2
my middlest
3
my youngest
when they were born
3 big turning points
i knew
that they were going to be big
but
seriously
i really had no idea
how much my world would change
with each and every one

3
also
3 big turning points
and not the good ones
3 bad times
that my husband and i have shared
that our family has shared
1
when my husband's best friend
the husband of my best friend
took his life
our life shattered
we were in a daze
for weeks
months
sometimes
it still feels like yesterday
2
when we dropped off
our oldest at the residential treatment center
for her depression and anxiety
and not knowing what would happen
to her
to us
to our family
between sobs
all day naps
phone calls
conferences
weekend visits
things did get better
but the scars
are still there
and we
remember often
of the despair
during that time
3
when we lost our 17 year old friend
no words
only tears
only fears
only questions
me
my husband
my oldest
my middlest
my youngest
all of us
distraught
our lives are permanently altered
never to be the same
how can they?

a child is gone
a life not lived
a hole in our lives
and our friends' lives
we can be compassionate
we can be there for them
but
it will never be the same
never

i ran into another friend
who lost her daughter
2 1/2 years ago
she said
it doesn't get better

that turning point
when you don't see it happen
or notice it barely
but
do not
have any idea
how life will be
in the future

twists and turns
our lives do take
many twists
and turns

but
when the turn is so drastic
and can't be changed
you will permanently be
changed
altered
scarred