Wednesday, December 23, 2009

a month

Seriously
things have gotten better every day
I had my first birthday in almost 5 years
without any tears
by me

it is the first one I can remember
without any drama
or that I haven't put on my pajamas
and gone to bed
because I was so dissapointed
with the behavior of one of my children
yes
usually it was Karen
but sometimes it was the combination
of the whole thing
and even my husband didn't always help

but
the point is
Karen is making progress
so much progress
that she does not even realize it
every day she is pushing herself
somehow
somewhere
and feeling so proud
for the first time in her life
she is maturing
and becoming confident
it is amazing to watch

it is amazing what she is doing
she has made such great strides
her father and I are in awe of her
her sisters are so proud of her
I love seeing her smile
when she is proud of herself

She seriously does not realize how much
she has changed
she started driving
she had made plans with other kids
she is feeling confident at school
she took her finals
she got anxious
but she acted out physically
and not with rage
and THAT is a huge improvement

she still gets nervous
sick to her stomach
and dizzy
but I feel
it is when she is still unsure of herself
and when she is doing so much

she looks so good too
one of her medications last year
caused a tremendous weight gain
the med did help
but at the cost of her looks
which upset her in a different way
now she has lost weight
and I made her throw away
some old jeans

I can tell she is proud
getting ready to pack for our vacation
she was rocking a bathing suit
and she got embaressed
by all the compliments

but
i bet she was smiling inside
and to me
that is all that matters