Friday, January 1, 2010

over

that is the best way to describe it
over
the vacation
the trip
the family compound

it was exhausting
it was fun
it was emotional
it was draining

i really just don't get
how people can love you
care for you
and be involved in your life
but
not ask any personal questions
or
pretend that nothing
happened
when
something
extremely difficult did happen

my poor big girl
everyone ignored the fact that she
spent 2 months
in a residential treatment center
nothing
nada
was said to her
not even just a remark
about being sorry she was away
or
that they didn't know what to say

poor thing
she felt self conscious
even more than usual
she felt they didn't care
she felt rejected
and became depressed all over again

aaarrrggghhhh
i want to take all that hurt away
i want to yell at my family
i want to tell them how their
limited ability to communicate
shattered my daughter's self image

but
it would be worthless
because
they didn't notice her falling apart
very much
that is
they knew she had a hard time
but
then later
my husband and I would
help her feel better
and they would just see her with a smile again
because she was pretending
it didn't bother her
when it really did inside

so
they didn't notice
or
they pretended not to

it is over
we are home
and I hope
she starts feeling better about herself
very soon