Wednesday, September 29, 2010

pressure

kids today are under so much pressure
yes
i know
i was in high school
a loooong time ago
but i remember having fun
i made good enough grades
and good enough test scores
to go to a great college
where i also had fun

now
i see my own children
freaking out about making a B
and worse for a C
thank goodness i was not like that
but still
a few days ago
my middlest wouldn't go to school
she seemed sick
clammy
hot
chills
etc
my husband and i
told her to go back to bed

that afternoon
when she woke up
at 4 pm
she told me she was too scared to go
she was worried about a class
she was concerned about the work
she couldn't keep up
she was scared of her grades
and the teacher

uh oh
been there
done that
when the oldest felt like that
we knew she needed to get out
but
the middlest is different
she is stronger
she told us she would be good with whatever she got
but
she was lying to us
and herself
she is not good with C's
at this school

we went to talk to the head of upper school
she is only about a month into sophomore year
i want her out
now
not at the end of the semester
or the end of the year
i don't care about the money
i just want her happy

i am calling schools
talking to her
talking to her advisor
having her go to her therapist
again
she needs to make the decision
it is her life
but
i hate seeing her in pain
i hate seeing her down on herself
i hate hearing that she doesn't have time for a social life
that all she does is study
and then she is not content with the grades she is getting

i have seen these signs of depression before
and i don't want that to happen to our family again
we know the consequences
we know the feelings
we know we need to help her

public school
private school
jewish school
non denominational school

i don't care
i just want her happy
and feeling good about herself
and being happy with her life

that is all that matters to me
happy children
happy family
just need to get there