Selfish Birthdays

this year
i didn't feel like celebrating my birthday
too much has happened
some friends lost a daughter
my daughters lost a friend
another daughter
isn't here
she is in college
she is alive
but
not with me

when i told my daughters
at home
that i just wanted to go
to a movie
alone
they thought
that was depressing

so i called another friend
to meet for lunch
on my birthday

so i went to class
my Mindfulness class
where i focused
on me
that doesn't happen often
then I met my friend
for lunch
and it was sweet

then
i went to a movie
alone
with a diet coke
popcorn
and junior mints
it was a perfect afternoon

i focused on myself
i don't do that often enough
i tried not to answer
any emails
or texts
or phone messages
unless
i wanted to

again
that doesn't happen often
i do so many things
for so many
other people
some days
it is okay
to be selfish

i just need to remember that