Thursday, August 27, 2009

Picture

It was not right
I didn’t think I could do it
Take the first day of school picture
With only 2 girls

How can this be?
Ever year, for the last 12 years, there have been 3 girls in these pictures
Something is wrong
It doesn’t feel good
I just want to cry

All day long I thought of that picture
how it said what I didn't want to hear
you have a child missing from your home

She is missing
She is not home
I am missing her
I hate this

I have to keep remembering
We are doing the right thing
Our family is too important to
Let her anger
Resentment
Depression
Take over

We all need time to focus on us
Not to worry about making
Karen upset
Angry
Mad
And then be
Walking on eggshells
Waiting for the scream
The cries
The yelling
The throwing of items
The possible kick
To a wall
To a person
To a chair

We deserve better
My family deserves better
My other daughters deserve better
My husband deserves better
I deserve better
And, really
Doesn’t even Karen deserve more?
To feel more at peace
To feel comfortable with herself
And her place in the family

I know all of this is true
But the truth of it is
I just want her home
And I want all my pictures to have 3 girls in them