Tuesday, August 24, 2010

New School Year

this year it is right
it is good
it is what is supposed to be

all 3 girls in the first day of school picture
Karen started the day before
Bethany & Lucy were starting today
their school starts earlier
before we left
Karen got out of bed
came downstairs
and took a picture with her sisters
she poked her head through
their heads
so she didn't have to change
I didn't care
all *I* cared about
was that
it was how
it should be

Last year at this time
I was so nervous
I didn't even want to take the picture
and I swore
when Karen returned home
we would take another one
I never did

I get these pangs of guilt
that I didn't do the right thing
that I should have made a big deal
about something
and didn't
and then I feel
I was wrong
about decisions
and messed up one child
while helping another
that I want to cry
but I can't
I just keep going
hoping I make better decisions next time
and try to forget some of the bad ones

I feel good
I feel that all is good
3 girls
in the picture
of the first day of school

the last first day of school
as sisters
in the same house

maybe I should start crying now