Austin. Movie Madness

celebrating 21 years
my husband and I
went to Austin
to see our favorite Movie Director
Kevin Smith
also one of our favorite movie characters
Silent Bob
one and the same

we drove to Austin
stayed downtown
near the famous 6th street
we had fun
we ate
we drank
we walked everywhere
we just had time together

We got the see the movie
RED STATE
Kevin's new film
and hear him talk before
and after
it was so very cool
so very memorable
and a great time
with my best friend.

job is about to end

my job is ending

i don't want it to

but

i don't have a choice

since feb 13, 1992

i have had one job

maybe other jobs at the same time

but one job

that became my career

mom

mother

nurturer

and

i am good at it

i really am

not all women

are meant to be mothers

and not all mothers

are meant to enjoy it

but

i do

i did

i have

all the time

i volunteered at their schools

their camps

their summer programs

their field trips

their bake sales

any opportunities

in face

all my outside

volunteer work

was still geared around them

all 3 of them

soccer moms

religious school snack moms

room moms

network moms

gala chair

social chairs

preschool

summer camp

school

i wanted to be there

watching them

enjoying them

snow days?

bring them on

i want them home with me

i love them

i love watching them

i love being with them

driving carpools

except not too early

watching soccer games

except when it is too cold

basketball games

softball games

field hockey games

track meets

gymnastic meets

theater camps

school plays

talent shows

band performances

tennis matches

volleyball games

t-ball games

soccer games

dance recitals

cheerleading performances

end of camp recitals

art shows

choir performances

musicals

dance performances

pictures

videos

cuts

bruises

broken bones

teeth pulled

braces

haircuts

pediatricians

scoliosis specialists

dermatologists

orthopedics

therapists

cardiologists

plastic surgeon

(hate that man, he slapped my baby)

orthopedists

(bethany had 5 broken bones in 18 months)

for 19 years

this has been my primary job

my most important one

and my payment

has been 3 beautiful

smart

lovely

charming

dependable

brilliant

lovely

gorgeous

articulate

young ladies

i couldn't ask for anything more

from them

they are all i ever wanted

i just don't want my job to be over

it is good

it is fabulous

my first child is going to leave the next

i can be happy for her

and

sad for me

at the same time

i can be so proud of her

and all that she has accomplished

but

feel an emptiness

inside myself

that will never go away

i can be thrilled for her new experiences

i can be grateful that she has matured enough to make this change

i can be overcome with emotion that she has made it to this milestone

but

feel that my title is being taken away

that my job is coming to an end

that i can see that it will slowly be fading

and i don't have to like that part

this is how I define myself

a mother

of 3 girls

not little girls anymore

3 teenagers

the best and brightest

the greatest kids in the world

the people I want to spend time with

the lights of my life

i don't like change

i want things to stay the same

i know when i have felt like this before

always during good changes

and i feel guilty

these big milestones

yes

things get better

but they have to get worse first...

Lucky 21

you bet
yes
my husband did say that
when the rabbi asked him
if he would take me
as his wedded wife

21 years ago today
he said that
smiling
to take off the edge
to make me laugh
he did then
and still does

21 years
lucky 21
an ace and a king of spades

21 years
3 houses
3 daughters
1 dog

many days of laughing
crying
talking
sleeping

so many hours
of worrying
of calm
of staying up late
of homework

many weeks of
vacations
research papers
family situations
driving

Best. Lunch. Ever.

i have been waiting for months
seriously months
anxiously awaiting
my contest winning lunch

my favorite author
is one of the coolest chicks ever
and
i was lucky enough to meet her last year
at a luncheon in dallas
i just knew we would get along famously
and we did

i adored her
she was genuine
and a doll
just like i would have thought

she found out i was jewish
and told me her best friend was too
i thought that was cool
she was surprised to find out i had 3 teenage daughters
she asked how many hated me
when i told her no
she said i was doing a great job
so
just another reason to admire her

so i had always followed her blog
she announced her best friend's new contest
and the winner would get lunch
with the best friends and her own best friend
all you had to do was pre-order the book
and email the confirmation to her
i ordered the book for me
i ordered the book for my best friend
i ordered the book for my mom
i ordered more books
and more books
because i really wanted to win
and then
I DID
she put my name on her blog
in big print
bolded
so excited

finally this spring
with both of their books in production
we made a date for their visit

my best friend and i
fretted over where to eat
oh
for days we searched
and thought
and talked
and asked other people
we were on a mission to find the perfect place

funny thing is
they decided to change the location
we didn't care

the best part was being with them
they were so much fun
the conversation was over flowing
i don't think there was ever any silence
we laughed
we cried (from laughter mostly)
we commiserated
we got excited
we enjoyed all the company

i didn't want it to end
but it did
and now
my best friend and i
need to visit them
in their windy city

now to find the perfect date!

Emergency surgery

wow
24 hours a change in life

yesterday a good friend called
he asked what I was doing today
very casually I might add
when I said all I had planned was yoga
he asked if I could take him to the hospital

poor guy
my sweet single friend
no real family to his name
well
not here
I am his adopted big sister
he is my little brother
and he needs to be able to count on someone

emergency surgery
on his mouth
a tumor
in his jaw
we don't know if it is malignant
or benign
but hoping for the best

i am not a doctor
or a nurse
I just play one at camp
but
i saw the x-rays
and where his teeth
some roots
and his jaw would be
there was nothing
a big black hole
something eating away
at his cells
he just came down with some pain
2 days ago
and now
he doesn't know
if more surgery is on the horizon
or chemo
or radiation

all i can do is help
drive
cook
make phone calls
make a schedule for meals
plan friends to visit him
check in on him
and of course
for me to be there
when he needs me
or wants me

so scary
i hate when people I love are in pain
i just want him to feel better
i hope it is soon