need to catch up

the oldest went to college
the middle started her junior year in high school
the youngest started high school

where did the time go
i know
i feel it
just yesterday
i was changing diapers
and washing faces

now
they are older
they are sassy
they can be independent
but they can also be dependent

transition has been difficult
for all of them
and
for me

some days the oldest calls
6 times a day
sometimes
just once a day

the middle one
needs me some days
and others
not so much

the youngest one
is gently
becoming her own person
knowing that a smile helps
but
that she doesn't need me around all the time any more

i hate it
i admit it

when my oldest and I
are together
we have so much fun
but then she leaves
or I leave her
and
i get depressed all over again

when my middle one gets angry
at me
or the world
i want to fix it for her
she is suffering
over the loss of her friend
but i can't help
nor will she let me try

my youngest is quieter
she is helpful to her friend
who lost the sister
so she takes her lead from her
in how to react
she is making new friends
and
keeping in touch with all
her old ones

some days
i just wonder what to do....