Thursday, February 17, 2011


my daughter pulls her hair
that doesn't explain it

she pulls at her hair
making "hair balls'
that I call them
and then she pulls those out

she did this a couple of years ago
she had done it for a while
and I would find hair balls all over
her hair was all different lengths
she was self conscious
didn't like to be reminded of it
so I tried not to dwell on it
she hated getting her haircut
because she was concerned
what the stylists would think

that horrible terrible event happened
and she was gone
to her residential treatment center
while there
she had such an epiphany
that she stopped
it was wonderful

she came home
so much calmer
and was also not pulling her hair

a year went by
she was doing so well
she started looking at colleges
and the idea of leaving home
engulfed her
she realized
she would be going away in a year
she got fidgety again
although she was on so many meds
for depression
for ADD
for her cerebral dysrythmia
she started the hair balls again

around christmas time
she had me read a story
because I didn't think she had this diseasse
because she didn't pull at the roots
only at the ends
she decided she wanted me to read an autobiography
of a girl with Trich
because she did

of course
knowing me
I searched the internet
scoured over articles
joined chat groups
discussion logs
because I will do anything to support
any of my daughters

she has it
it just presents itself differently
she is so anxious

I have ordered her
many different fidget toys
so she can always have something to do with her hands
she finds that it is times when her hands aren't busy
watching tv
sitting in class
that she feels the need to play with her hair

she discovered wearing a knit cap
helps remind her not to pull
because it covers her hair

I just love her so much
I want her to be happy
I want her to love herself
I want her to be proud of herself

She is beautiful
I personally
don't give a shit
what any hair stylist says
my daughter is gorgeous
with hair
or without it