Wednesday, May 18, 2011

parenting another

i have 3 girls
so I adopted a boy
not just any boy
but a little brother
for me
not my girls

it is hard sometimes
because he needs a mother
even when she comes in town
she is not a mother
a typical mother
she only thinks of herself
and I can tell that
needs a mom
he actually needs a woman
he can trust
so I became that woman
on my own
and I told him so

this spring
he discovered he had a tumor
in his jaw
thank gawd
it was not malignant
it still needed to be cut out
and bone had to be replaced
by metal
and surgery was going to last hours
and more hours
in the hospital
and days recovering
possibly months

I wanted to take care of him
like I always do
I have been there
for nose surgery
emergency surgery
on said tumor
whatever he needed
he knew to call me

leading up to the surgery
he told me
his mother
was coming in
I freaked
in the 10 years I have known him
she has never come to town
he assured me he was fine
but I worried
that I would not be
I worried
that I would go off on her
I didn't
she helped me
understand him

that ended up being a good thing
I was nice to her
I listened to her
I helped calm him down
when he was bothered by her

it was time for her to leave
he was not better
his mouth was wired shut
so he could barely eat
he had to take strong medication
and he
threw up
that was the scariest thing
i ever heard

i drove them both
to the ER
and I spoke to her all night
she was scared to leave the city
she needed to get back home
to work

I helped make a schedule
someone was going to stay with him
at his house
for 3 nights
then he would move in with me
my family
my husband
my daughters
while that person
went out of town

he was pissed
i knew he would be

but I was not prepared
for how he acted
when he got to my house

like a toddler
like a child
who didn't get their way

all I wanted to do was help
he saw it as
taking away
his freedom
I had to let him go
I took him home
after 24 hours
he needed that

he needed to be in his own bed
i needed to trust
that he was okay
it is all about letting go
i will learn that soon enough

i parent 3 teenage girls
i don't need to parent
a 30 year old either
i can be his sister
his older sister
not his mother

that is good enough for me
and for him