Monday, November 8, 2010

3day 2010

i didn't feel like crewing again
seriously
a week before the event
i was depressed
and bothered by so much in my life
i wondered if i should do it
i knew i needed energy
and enthusiasm
but i wasn't feeling it

each day that passed
i thought about calling my team leader
but
i didn't want to disappoint her
damn me
for being so loyal
and honest
and trustworthy

crew day
was exciting
it was good to see
my old workers
and friends that bond during the weekend
and
most important
i remembered
why the 3day is so important

walking is amazing
i loved that
the encouragement
the energy
the excitement
the thrill of finishing
of walking with tears in your eyes

crewing is different
you are the cheerleaders
so
at this time
while feeling down
could i help
others feel up?

it ended up being cathartic
in a way i never imagined
i didn't really think about myself
for 3 days
i didn't care if my back hurt
my feet hurt
my head hurt
or my feelings were hurt
i ignored it all
it was good to be out of
the real world
and just focused
on something totally different

yes
i was exhausted
and i did walk with tears in my eyes
as my entire lunch team
walked the last few steps
together
into the final rest area
everyone waving
cheering
calling out
hands touching
high fiving
just appreciative

because of my
own depression though
i did notice
something else
i felt removed
i felt disconnected
from most feelings

i could do my job
"turkey, chicken or veggie"
or
"go walkers, you are halfway there"
or
"welcome to lunch"
or
"aloha"
since we were a luau station

the tears did not come until the end
and i was grateful
for the feeling
for the knowledge of being alive
and being part of something important

glad to know
that i can make a difference
and that i can help
my daughters live in a
world without breast cancer
because
everyone deserves a lifetime