Thursday, November 19, 2009

Billy Crystal

I was so excited
I had bought tickets for Billy Crystal's
Tony award winning show
700 Sundays
I promised by husband I would take him
sometimes I take girlfriends
the event was on my calendar
for tonight
thursday

we were getting ready
and he asked me what time it started
I said I needed to check the tickets
I found the tickets
and the date
said YESTERDAY
I totally goofed
how could I do that
put it on the wrong night
in my calendar

He saw my look
and knew it was not good
I called the box office
thank goodness
it was still open
and they had tickets for tonight
the seats weren't as good
but we could still go

and I am so glad we did
we needed a night out
we left the girls
all alone
for the first time in
well
I don't know
ever I feel like
but I knew that is not true
15, 17 and 12
we should be able to leave them
but
we are not a typical family
and we know it

we went to dinner first
then to the show
in a brand new opera house
that was warm and cozy

the show was beautiful
Billy took
his family stories
pictures
old movies
and told them to us
it was so personal
the loss of his father at 15
the jazz clubs he went to
wanting to play baseball
then
deciding to be a comedian
his brothers
aunts
uncles
his mother
the fun times
the heartbreak

it made me think of my own family
and how things don't always
look the way they seem
the family ties
that should be close
are not always
the ones you think you can count on
aren't always there when you need them

I cried
for Billy
for me
for my daughters
who I want to keep safe
and loved
always

for my extended family
who does not always understand
what we are going through
what is so hard to explain
how we struggle daily
but don't want to admit it
every day is a new day
and every morning
I never know
how the oldest will wake up
or treat her sisters
or me
or her dad

that mental illness is not something
you can just turn off or on
that these details
are not easy to talk about
and sometimes
I just don't want to

that I shouldn't have to be the one to start
the conversations
with my extended family
but I can always be a part of them
but
they avoid it
so if I want to talk about it
I have to bring it up
so I don't
until it is too late

how lucky Billy Crystal
seemed to me
although he lost his dad so young
he had some wonderful
fond memories of him
that still made him proud
to this day

I hope my girls
will be like that

I want to make them proud
of me
of themselves
and
of our family