Monday, September 14, 2009

Daughters

I loved when their eyes were all googly
and went cross eyed when they were born
I loved their smell
I loved the way that they sucked the bottle
or my breast

how they would just rock in my arms
I loved the nighttime feedings when it was so quiet
and it was just me and the baby
alone

maybe that is why I still enjoy the late nights
it reminds me of having newborns

I was with the girls all day
every day
I taught preschool when they were little
so even when I was working
I was still with them

My husband
he was so happy having daughters
I was scared
I wanted boys

mother daughter relationships can be so complicated
I wanted to be able to talk with my girls
we had a daughter who struggled with
depression and anxiety every day

she held so much in
then exploded at home
we didn’t know how much she was hurting
we wanted to understand
but she was so complicated
and she was worried we would stop loving her

how could we stop loving her
we made her
we birthed her
she was our first born
she was the one who made us a family

we will always love her
we wanted to do right
but we didn’t know how
we tried to keep her safe
we let her try new things

but one camp in Colorado almost ruined her
she was never the same after that
experience
we tried so hard to save her
but we couldn’t

three girls
who would have thought
he loved it
he said he could kiss them all the time
and nobody would think it was weird

he taught them about sports
he watched tv with them
he didn’t like the newborns
but I did
oh, I even loved when they cried

we both enjoy our daughters
we see something special
even if we see different things
we know
it is wonderful