Sunday, September 27, 2009

more on my baby

I am so upset for my little one
then I remember there is a counselor

just for the middle school
I know that she and Little Lucy
have a relationship
and that she is aware of the current family situation
I forward the group email to her letting her know
about my little girl
she checks her schedule against my daughter’s
and realizes she has missed the study hall for the day
but she would look for Lucy to give her a hug
and plan a meeting for the next day

I get an itch
an uncomfortable one
while looking at some papers at home
I decide to get up to school early
to go to the learning assistance’s office
the head of school is there (surprise)
they don’t seem too surprised to see me
the door was opened
so I asked the Language therapist if she had gotten
Lucy’s psych evaluation from the Doctor
no she says, not by email
and not by mail
so I tell her I will fax it to her
when I get home

the head askes me to spend some time talking with him
I sat down, the door closed behind me
I felt uncomfortable
being there without my husband
worried I would say something wrong
that I could mess things up somehow
but I smiled
he asked about Karen and her “adventure”
she should be coming home the next week
I almost shouted and said with tears in my eyes
then he talked about Lucy
he reminded me that their policy is
not to discuss a cheating suspicion with a parent first
and he stands behind that
agree to disagree
I still think it is wrong
and he admitted that the teachers reacted wrong
in not contacting me about the discussion
although, in regard to Lucy's emotional meltdown
they aren’t sure that they caused that
they did not feel they accused her
that only she should think about what happened

I said that the advisor also accused my little girl
of cheating in her classroom also
and I don’t like that
the head of the middle school
said all of us are emotional
the teachers
me
my husband
little Lucy
and himself
we all need to take time
to think about it
before making any rash decisions
that we would regret later
he said he wanted Lucy to have a normal day
the next day
come to school and participate like all the others
oh-would she be able to take that Spanish test?
I said I would have to ask her
it was time for me to leave
I saw my little one and
we started walking to the car
I asked her about the Spanish test
and her response was
"aren’t I switching to Latin?”
uh oh, I thought, this isn’t right
but we are not going back to say this
I tell her all about the conversations
her father and I had with the head of school
she said she was able to avoid both of the teachers
that day
I said she would never get out of history
but from now on
face forward if she needs to
keep her head down
and either she gets a 100
or a zero
or something in between
we don’t care
this is 7th grade history
it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference for getting into college
and then I explained the other situation
and
she is so smart
she is so sweet
she really gets it
she said
“Oh, so they need to hear
that *I* want the changes
right now all they know is
that you want those changes for me
not that I wanted you to ask for them”
right, my smart child
and we talked about how
important her meeting with the counselor
was going to be
and how using important words
like Need and Trust
should make all the difference in that discussion

ironically
Lucy had an appointment with a psychologist that afternoon
to talk about her sister situation
I was worried that Lucy wouldn’t open up
she usually keeps things in
she was concerned of going in alone
she had not met this woman
but the doctor comes to get her
they walk off together
and I don’t see either one for almost an hour
the doctor brings me back
and discusses the irrational behavior
of the teachers
and that Lucy should get a new advisor
and a new language teacher and class
this all was handled wrong
and I was not even in the room
to hear what my little girl had said!

the doctor coach my Littlest
on what words to use when she spoke
with the counselor
how important it was to get her feeling across
to this woman
interesting
she got all that just by talking to the student
no parent involvement at all
guess she did deserve that Phd :)

so
today
my daughter goes to school like normal
I drop her off
and tell her probably a little less than 100 times
if anything makes you uncomfortable
call me
if you don’t feel good
leave the room
and call me
I am here for you
call me
get someone
to call me for you if you can’t do it
okay mom
I get it
I can call you
bye

I worry
I get home
I got an email back from the learning specialist
she had glanced over the psych report
and little one needs an ILAP
(Individualized learning assistance plan)
so she can have accommodations
due to her dygraphia
and possibly some attention issues
she had to be out of the office that day
but she would work on it over the weekend
and get it to the teachers the next week
then another mom who heard about this situation
told me her daughter told her the whole thing
and their science teacher
that they all were in awe of
noticed Lucy’s twisted paper and seat earlier in the year
asked her if it was normal and she said it was
and he said no big deal and let it go
what a difference just asking a question makes

so I send an email back to the learning assistance specialist
thanking her for her time and proudly offering
this bit of information
I also copied the head of school and the assistant head of school
who had been out of town the whole time this had been going on
I quickly get a return email from the Assistant head
she just found out about it
she would be there if I needed her

the day went on
I emailed the counselor to let her know of the psych eval
and that I was so happy Lucy had her to talk to
and that if Lucy was too upset and did not want to go to spanish
I would pick her up early
I get to school at normal time
see my daughter
and all of her friends who were riding with us
again
we get in the car
laughing like usual
my husband calls before we are out of the lot
he wants to know about Her and Her meeting
I didn’t really want to talk
with everyone else in the car
we said we’d call back
the friends get out of the car
Lucy has to wait to go inside with them
we call daddy back
she tells us
that the counselor wants her
to make a pro/con list
of all the reasons to change
advisors and to Latin
what-nothing is happening
well, they were going to meet again on Tuesday
my husband and I were meeting with the head
on weds morning
the day we were to go pick
up Karen our big girl,
our biggest baby
from her residential treatment center
so they were not going to ruin that day for us

Lucy got out of the car
I looked at my middlest
and said, so that’s how they want to play
we have to play this silly game
but we are still going to win
we are still going to get what Lucy wants
they just don’t know it yet
they want to wear us out
and more importantly
wear her out
so she won’t care anymore
and she will just want it to go away

we made that mistake 2 years ago
when Karen was in 9th grade
and she had a bad bad horrible
beginning with a new advisor
we made this mistake
and did what the school proposed
they don’t like to make changes
they said the teacher would be understanding and make it work
and
about 6 months later
we were in the children’s ER with her
with suicide threats
and just wanting to die
because she was so miserable at home because of school
maybe she still would have left the school eventually
but we will never know
and I know I can’t forgive myself
for allowing that to happen to my child
she did not trust that woman again

my husband got back on the computer
he typed up an email to the head
the assistant head
the learning specialist
and the counselor
stating that with
the psych evaluation
the opinions and feelings that Lucy described to the counselor
that another teacher did not find her behavior questionable
when we arrive on weds morning
there needs to be an alternate schedule needs to be
available for our viewing

oddly enough
that night
when taking three 7th grade girls home
from a movie
one girl said that she fell asleep in history class today
and after class
the teacher came over to her and told her not to do that again
yes
the same teacher who accused my daughter of cheating
because she looked around the room
oh good I said
I liked the way he handled that
maybe he learned something

but
I am sure this is not over
yet
more to come
more to bear
more games to play
but
we won't give up