Back to school

I was so nervous
for my little girl

I admit it
I sent messages
to her friends
on facebook
letting them know she would be coming back

the school hadn't told the kids
what had been going on

when Karen and I went to visit school
the friday before she went back
one kid looked at her
and said
"we thought you died"
it was
a little funny
so we laughed
but I knew
she was still nervous about going back

Since Karen's first day back to school
was the same day as Lucy's new schedule
my husband
and I
had to split up duties

I took the little one
and he took the big one
the middle one
took care of herself

The little one did well
she met her latin teacher
she was excited to see her
new schedule in print
and her friends were happy for her too

when I got home
I wanted to run over to Karen's school
I had emailed the teachers
the headmistress
the nurse
her advisor
IF IF IF
anything went wrong
I was just around the corner
I would pick her up

But my husband came home
about the same time as me
he said
at least 3 kids welcomed her back
the teachers were all happy to see her
he had not seen any
awkward conversations
whew
I thought
Some kids
even made a big poster
and signed it for her
to bring home

I waited by the phone
I didn't do much
expecting her not to make the whole day
but
she did
she came home
happy
so happy
laughing
telling stories on friends
really giggling
it was so good to see

she napped that day
and fell asleep early
then woke up so tired
just go half the day today
I told her
she barely made it to lunch
she had pushed herself too hard
that first day

the third day she slept late
had a doctor's appt
and went to school
in the afternoon

by thursday
she was "sad" again
uh oh
she thought all that
had been "fixed"
she was nervous about a couple of classes
she didn't want to go to school

I had her get up
we talked
we called her dad
and then we walked over to school
to speak with the counselor
he listened to her
and she cried
tears of relief
he was going to help her
I reminded her
she doesn't need to do anything alone
we are here to help her

she was used to group therapy
twice a day for 7 weeks
and now she thinks she can
just take care of it alone again
isn't that what caused all this in the first place?

she did start school late that day
and I told her I was around for her again

the next day
she made it
she woke up
she hesitated
she wanted to stay home
but she left
alone
to walk to school

I was exhausted
keeping her upbeat
but
seeing her smile
was all worth it