Saturday, October 10, 2009

First Family Fight

yes
i knew it would happen
one day
just not this soon
why
oh why
what could I have done
differently

it always starts the same
all three girls
are in the car
and then they fight
over the car radio
and the sad thing is
it is usually the shortest ride of all

once
over a year ago
after dropping off carpool
Karen got upset with Bethany
we had a 5 min ride home
by the time we got to our house
I could not open the garage
I had to turn around
to go to the ER
because Karen was out of control
screaming
hitting
Bethany was hysterical too
crying
scared
my husband met me there
and I was just angry
a 5 min ride
all about music

so
today was the same
after getting ice cream
and after all of us getting the flu mist
of course
my girls don't want shots....
we got in the car to go home
and a silly fight broke out
over the radio
it seemed just so stupid to me
I did what I normally do
I turned the radio off
then there was whining
and blaming
and frustration

Bethany took out her iphone
she just got for her bday
because *I* thought
she deserved something
big
because of everything
happening at home
and put some music on speaker
I told her to turn it off

when we got in the house
Bethany did it again
Karen asked her to turn it off
Bethany said no
so then Karen got mad and raised her voice
then Bethany
precious middlest
one who has gotten so mature
and has been so good to me
yelled back at her sister
who just returned from
7 weeks of hell
in a residential treatment center
"You didn't change at all"

Oh no she di-n't
the gutteral sobbing
I heard from my oldest
the moans
the hysterical cries
of sadness
were too much to bear
the littlest came running
my husband came running
Karen was lost to us
in a different way
she was hurt
not by hitting
not by pushing
not by a stare
but by a few words
that crushed her soul

I went into mama bear
and got so upset
at my middle one
I couldn't believe she could be so cruel
did she have any idea how much that would hurt her

it was unbearable
I pulled out our family contract
reminded everyone of the words
we wrote together
to help the transistion home

It was emotionally draining
we talked some about it
we all started to calm down
Littlest was leaving to spend the night out
so it was just the 4 of us
my husband
me
the oldest
and the middlest
for dinner

they decided together
to get sushi
there was a sense of calm
but
I knew it in my gut
this was the beginning
of a new problem
that would come to haunt us